Thoughts Of The Day

 Sometimes I wonder, how did I get through. 

And you become silent, its then the thoughts speaking out, and then your afraid again of the sadness and loneliness rushing in with no invitation. I feel betrayed again. Funny how things go right?

Im not supposed to be surprised, because being betrayed had been a routine in my life. At some point I felt I stopped that desease by no longer interacting with no one and being okay with being alone, no attachments and thus no betrayal with the exception of one person, but now after all these years I dont know how to pick up these pieces and its horrible. I dont even know how to begin or how to pretend. Because pretending and acting as if are not my  virtues.

I should have never I tell myself, why and how? I should have never let my guard down.... I should have never. I should have never........